How New Beginnings Begin With Self-Compassion

Written by Yulia Goff, MSW, CSW

It’s the beginning of a new year, and many of us would like to or feel compelled to make a change. Whatever the case may be, I have a suggestion: in this new year, try making a positive adjustment to how you treat yourself. In this blog, I would like to share why self-compassion is the ticket to maintaining or increasing resilience and how you can implement self-compassion in your life. 

The Influence of Self-Compassion

New Year’s resolutions often center around visible, observable changes in ourselves or our behaviors, and they are generally wise, worthwhile, or even admirable. According to Statista, in 2026 Americans would like to exercise more, to save more money, to eat healthier, and to spend more time with family and friends, among other wonderful resolutions. What I have to say about self-compassion is an addition rather than a challenge or replacement to such goals. While becoming more self-compassionate is initially a small internal change that is not visible like the resolutions above, it actually represents a powerful shift that impacts many aspects of our lives in a positive way. 

One unfortunate truth about new year’s resolutions is their high rate of failure, and that is where self-compassion can help. Let’s say we take some solid advice on being successful, such as remembering that working toward an important goal is a marathon, not a sprint. As we start to work on a goal, we will inevitably experience setbacks. One way to respond to setbacks is to take them as evidence of just how flawed we are – why even try? Well, self-compassion provides a different foundational assumption: we are worthy and wonderful as we are, so we are worth the continued effort.

What is Self-Compassion?

According to Dr. Kristin Neff, when we start with self-compassion, we pursue positive change because we care for ourselves: “You may try to change in ways that allow you to be more healthy and happy, but this is done because you care about yourself, not because you are worthless or unacceptable as you are.” In this way, self-compassion becomes both a foundation and a springboard for positive change – and when we fall short of our goals in some way, big or small, self-compassion is the engine of recommitting and continuing toward those goals with resilience.

But what is self-compassion, exactly, and how can you practice it? A common definition of compassion is caring about the suffering of others, and self-compassion would mean caring about our own pain. While it seems beyond obvious, in reality it is surprising what amount of callousness or even cruelty we can employ when encountering our own suffering. In her TEDx talk, Dr. Neff states that our self-talk, especially on difficult days, includes things that we would never say to a friend, or even a person we do not like. Therefore, Dr. Neff recommends a simple reminder: treat yourself like you would a good friend you care for:

“Having compassion for oneself is really no different than having compassion for others. Derived from latin, the term refers to how we’re with (com) suffering (passion). Think about times when you’ve felt compassion for a close friend who was suffering. First, to experience compassion you have to actually notice that your friend is struggling or feeling badly about themself. Second, if what you feel is compassion (rather than pity), you realize that suffering, failure, and imperfection is part of the shared human experience. “There but for fortune go I.” Finally, you respond to your friend with warmth, understanding, and kindness – feeling the desire to help in some way.”

3 Key Elements of Self-Compassion

Please note the three distinct elements above for uplifting ourselves: (1) mindfully notice your pain in a difficult moment, (2) normalize it because suffering truly is universal to all humans, and (3) respond with kindness. Kindness can look like gentleness, encouragement, understanding, acceptance, patience, etc. What helps you feel well and keep going? That is a question worth reflecting on! 

Creating Sustained Positive Change

I hope this year, as you work toward your goals, you can “relate to yourself kindly and embrace yourself as you are, flaws and all” (Dr. Neff). Self-compassion is truly the way to accomplish sustained positive change for ourselves because it provides us the foundation to build on, the motivation to grow – not because we need fixing but because we are worth the effort –  and a space to rest and regroup when we fall short. It is self-compassion that allows us to try again and finish the marathon, so to speak. 

If you are ready for a change process that builds you up, consider therapy. At Resilient Life Counseling & Wellness, we have a diverse team of therapists fully equipped to provide compassionate and personalized care to individuals, couples, and families. We offer flexible, confidential sessions, both virtually and in person, and we are here to meet you where you are and support you on your journey.