When Your Teen Is Anxious: What They Need Most From You

Written by Kellie Burgess, CSW

If you're parenting a teenager, chances are you've seen anxiety show up in one way or another.

Sometimes it looks obvious. Your teen worries constantly, has panic attacks, or avoids situations that make them uncomfortable. Other times it hides behind irritability, perfectionism, stomachaches, headaches, trouble sleeping, or spending more and more time alone.

As both a therapist and a mom of six children, ranging in age from 17 to 10-year-old twins, I've seen firsthand that anxiety can affect every child differently. Some kids talk openly about their fears. Others work incredibly hard to make sure no one notices they're struggling. As parents, we often find ourselves wondering, "Is this just part of being a teenager, or is something more going on?" It's an important question because while some anxiety is a normal part of growing up, persistent anxiety doesn't have to become a way of life.

Anxiety in Adolescence

Adolescence is full of change. Friendships shift. Academic expectations increase. Social media creates constant opportunities for comparison. Teens are also figuring out who they are as they navigate growing independence. It's no surprise that anxiety has become one of the most common mental health concerns among young people today. The good news is that anxiety is highly treatable.

Research supports several evidence-based approaches for treating anxiety in adolescents, including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Rather than trying to eliminate anxious thoughts or feelings, ACT helps teens develop a different relationship with them. They learn that anxiety does not have to control their choices. Instead of waiting until fear disappears, they begin building the confidence to move toward the people, goals, and experiences that matter most to them, even when anxiety comes along for the ride.

One of the biggest misconceptions I hear is that parents need to eliminate their child's anxiety. As much as we wish we could, that isn't actually the goal. Our goal is to help our teens learn that anxiety is uncomfortable, but it isn't dangerous. They can learn to make room for difficult emotions, tolerate uncertainty, and continue taking meaningful steps forward. Over time, they discover they are far more capable than they once believed. That starts with feeling understood.

When a teen tells us they're anxious, our first instinct is often to reassure them.

"Don't worry."

"It'll be fine."

""I promise nothing bad will happen."

Those responses come from a place of love, but sometimes they unintentionally convey that their feelings must go away before they can move forward. Instead, try slowing down and getting curious. You might say, "That sounds really hard." Or, "Can you tell me more about what's going through your mind?"

Hearing Your Teen

When teens feel heard instead of hurried, they're often much more willing to talk.

Another helpful shift is resisting the urge to solve every problem immediately. As parents, we naturally want to protect our children from discomfort. But when we consistently remove every challenge, we can accidentally reinforce the belief that they aren't capable of handling difficult situations. Instead, we can communicate confidence."I know this feels scary, and I also know you've done hard things before." That message helps build resilience.

It's also worth paying attention to patterns. If anxiety is causing your teen to avoid school, withdraw from friends, stop participating in activities they once enjoyed, struggle with sleep, or experience frequent physical complaints, it may be time to seek additional support. Early intervention often leads to better outcomes and can prevent anxiety from becoming more deeply rooted over time.

Building Connection With Your Teen

One thing I want every parent to know is that anxiety is not a sign that you've failed.

I’ve sat on both sides of the couch. I’ve been the therapist supporting families, and I’ve been the parent worrying about my own children. I know how easy it is to question yourself or wonder what you could have done differently. Teens don’t need perfect parents. They need connected ones.

They need someone who will listen, stay present, and remind them that they don’t have to face hard things alone.

If your teenager is struggling with anxiety, know that there is hope. With support, healthy coping skills, and the right tools, teens can learn to manage anxiety rather than letting anxiety manage them. Sometimes the most powerful message we can give our children is simply:

"I'm here with you. We'll figure this out together."

If you or your teen are ready to begin your healing journey, consider starting therapy. At Resilient Life Counseling & Wellness, we have a diverse team of therapists fully equipped to provide compassionate and personalized care to individuals, couples, and families. We offer flexible, confidential sessions, both virtually throughout Utah and in person (Farmington, UT), and we are here to meet you where you are and support you on your journey. 

*References

National Institute of Mental Health. (2025). Children and Mental Health. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/child-and-adolescent-mental-health

American Academy of Pediatrics. Mental Health Initiatives. https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/mental-health-initiatives/

Society of Clinical Psychology. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. https://div12.org/treatment/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy/