What is Deliberate Self-Care?

Written by Nicole Cheung, MSW-I, Clinical Therapist

As the air cools and days grow shorter, our body’s natural response is to bundle up and slow down. The beauty of fall is found in the waning, the decreasing amount of energy and activity in nature’s metabolism. It gives all of us a reason to slow our pace, enjoy our surroundings and pay attention to ourselves in more intentional ways. 

And yet the opposite of slowing seems to be asked of us this time of year. While many welcome the structure of school schedules after the carefree days of summer, fall tends to bring increased commitments, a regimented schedule of children’s activities, and a succession of busy holidays one after the other. As nature calls for us to slow down, our calendar simultaneously urges us to speed up! 

Bath Bombs and Candles and Face Masks, Oh My!

So how do we manage this all too common tug-o-war? Paying attention to our body, mind and spirit through self-care can be an effective practice. I know some of you might be thinking, I’ve tried self-care and it never lasts. This can definitely be true of the kind of self-care sold to us in the form of fizzing bath bombs, pumpkin-scented candles and collagen-filled face masks. While many of these self-care items can help to calm the nervous system and provide a sense of comfort, they are more of a bandaid for treating surface level symptoms. They help us to cope in the moment, but are not necessarily designed to have lasting impact.

Deliberate Self-Care

A more intentional form of self-care, or deliberate self-care, has the potential to help us address our root causes of distress. The word deliberate means to do something consciously, with knowledge, purpose and a plan. Effective self-care requires us to know what’s feeling off and why. Only then can we give ourselves care that is truly helpful. A healthy dose of self-confrontation and honesty is also essential. Sometimes we have to get real with ourselves about what’s going on before we can find the most effective form of self-care. Deliberate self-care also means implementing care on a regular basis, building it into your routine so that it’s less palliative and more preventive.  

What is Needed?  

When I’m feeling overwhelmed or pulled in too many directions, I like to ask myself the magic question, “What is needed?” The answer is not always pleasant or beautiful, as discussed by Brianna West in her post about what self-care really means. Sometimes self-care requires doing the hard things that we really don’t want to do, but know we need. 

Below are some examples of deliberate self-care for the body, mind and spirit that will hopefully give you ideas for how to practice on your own.

Body

• Concern: My lower back has been hurting and feeling stiff lately.

• Self-confrontation: I haven’t been doing my morning stretches regularly.

• What is needed?: A bath with epsom salts sounds nice, but going to bed right now will allow me to wake up early and do my stretching. 

Mind

• Concern: I’m overwhelmed with everything on my to-do list and the family calendar.

• Self-confrontation: I keep saying yes to commitments when I’m already overbooked.

• What is needed?: Chocolate sounds good, but simplifying my commitments and saying no to new ones is more effective. 

Spirit: 

• Concern: Everyday feels the same and I have nothing to look forward to right now.

• Self-confrontation: I haven’t been attending my monthly book club lately.

• What is needed?: Netflix and chill is tempting, but reading my book club novel means I will get to go see friends later and discuss topics that are meaningful to me.

There’s Nothing Selfish about Self-Care

It’s important to remember that self-care is anything but selfish. It’s an act of kindness. Taking time to slow down and reflect on what our body, mind and spirit really need not only aligns us with nature’s seasonal cycles, but saves time, energy and resources from self-care that doesn’t last. Deliberate practices in self-care empower us to be our best self and allow us to show up for ourselves and others in the most healthy way possible this season. 

Find Support for Your Self-Care Practices and More

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