Back to School: Supporting Your Teen

By Shayley Warner, ACMHC, Clinical Therapist

We have all experienced the back-to-school phenomenon… the sadness over the free-flowing

schedule of summer ending, the excitement of seeing our friends and showing off our back-to-

school shopping finds. Let’s not forget the back-to-school nerves, especially starting middle or

high school. If you are reading this, you may have a sense of nostalgia flooding through your

memories right now, and you may be preparing your teenager for the school year ahead. If so,

you may wonder how to support your teen in navigating the year ahead as they learn, grow, and

express their authentic selves. Here are a few tips I often recommend to parents of adolescents:

• Structured Independence: As your teen is growing, they are learning how to take

responsibility for themselves, their schedules, and their priorities. It isn’t uncommon for a

teen client to express that their parents “take over” rather than letting them learn for

themselves. It is essential to allow your teen the opportunity to “do for themselves” and

to provide guidance when needed. This will enhance and foster their ability to build

confidence when they succeed and to learn and problem-solve when they hit a snag. Here

are a few opportunities for structured independence: using available technology to

manage homework (e.g., calendar reminders, alarms) or prepping and cooking a meal

(allow them to put the grocery list together, to go shopping, and to cook the meal).

• Predictable Routines: Along with structured independence, support your teen by

engaging in a structured and consistent routine with meals, sleep, after-school

commitments, homework, and free time. Predictable routines allow teens to feel secure

and support mood regulation and focus. It is important to model this for your teens, as

they will note what you do and if what you do and say aligns. Remind your teen that

routines allow them to have breaks and that breaks are healthy to reset and recharge.

• Be Curious: Prioritize Emotional Check-Ins: I often recommend that parents ensure

they have shared rituals with their teens to nurture connection, as it is not uncommon for

teens to focus more on their friends as part of their natural development during

adolescence. Shared rituals can include going on walks after dinner, having a weekend

brunch, or scheduling a movie night. Be curious when your teen checks in, ask open-

ended questions, and encourage them to tell you more about why something is important

to them. If your teen shares that they feel judged or that you are being critical, take this as

an opportunity to learn and explore together to share perspectives. Another important

thing to remember is that your teen may want to vent rather than problem-solve. If you

are unsure of what they need, ask them. For example, do you need me to listen, do you

want advice, or would you like me to help you problem-solve?

• Academic Communication: The pressure of school can be overwhelming, especially if

the focus is only on grades. Remember, grades are only one portion of school. Celebrate

your teen's effort in a project, encourage them to talk about their interests, and what

excites them about school. Help them reframe setbacks as opportunities to grow. Talk

with them about their school schedule and find classes that provide opportunities that

allow them to engage with their interests each term.

As your teen learns and grows this school year, they will have moments of setback and success.

Allowing them opportunities for both while nurturing connection provides opportunities to build

confidence, while receiving emotionally connected support from parents. Wishing you all a

wonderful school year!

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